Ask Doctor Who Characters!
by FREYA ASTRID NOVA
Summary: (PLEASE SEND QUESTIONS VIA PM) You wanna know why a certain Doctor Who character did what? Or what character likes what? You've come to the right place! Ask any question you want 'cause I can write any character. (I don't do old who or crossovers) Post as many questions you want when you want and I'll answer them that day! Enjoy! (I don't own Doctor Who)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, so I posted a poll on my page about whether or not I should make an "Ask The Doctor Who Characters" Fanfic so since a few people have said yes and no one has objected I figured I'd try it out and see how it goes. I'm going to keep the poll up just in case. Also when you post questions keep in mind I don't do old Who or crossovers. I can do some of Torchwood and some of Sarah Jane adventures but since I have not watched every episode for either of those I may not know how the characters would answer. Also I'm open to any OTP questions since I'm not limited in writing characters ... I can write pretty much anybody excluding maybe the twelfth Doctor ... I have a bit of trouble writing for him. Basically any question is fair game and you can ask basically anything you want. I'll answer the questions you send in the day you send them since I check my email a few times every day. Send in as many questions as you want it's unlimited! Also, if you have any suggestions I'll welcome them with open arms. This fanfic won't work unless you send stuff in so have fun with it!**


	2. Chapter 2

TAWOGfan2000 says:

Nice, i can ask doctors and other people stuff that theylle never live down. Anyway before i ask questions, i have to remind you people that there are some man eating rat mantises, so if you sea a giant mouse with mantis head and legs, there are guns in the back wall. On with the questions:

Clara Oswald: what is the weirdest adventure youve evet haf with the doctor.

11th doctor: i remember seeing you once in december teaching monkeys how to tap dance. Care to explain?

Strax: why did you wage war on the moon? I mean sure its annoying and keeps spamming me on facebook with ads for a vacation home on mars, i still dont see what it did to you.

Vastra: how did jack the ripper taste? And for future murderers, try putting some barbacue sauce on them. If never eaten people before, but everything tastes better with barbacue sauce.

Anyway i have to fight some rat-man tisses. YOOLLLLLOOOO!

* * *

CLARA: Isn't it always a weird adventure with the Doctor? I mean come on he took me to the heart of the Tardis by jumping off of a cliff while dead volcano people were chasing us.

11TH DOCTOR: I'd say yesterday was pretty weird. We went to the Planet of the Dogs and those were actual dog people. Ya see I've met cat people but dog people are a whole different story. On that planet the dog people actually sell humans as pets. I was on a leash for the whole trip!

CLARA: I told you not to walk into the pet shop but you didn't listen!

12TH DOCTOR: I'd listen to her if I were you which I was, she's a bit of a control freak.

CLARA: I told you I am NOT a control freak.

12TH DOCTOR: Yes mam'.

11TH DOCTOR: As for the whole teaching monkeys how to tap dance bit. I got bored waiting for Clara. I saw some monkeys at the zoo so and I figured what the hell, so I stole a few and talked to them a bit … ooh Fred was such a naughty monkey. Anyways they told me they wanted to learn how to dance so I went back to the twenties got them some tap shoes and taught them how to dance. It was cool, we even put on a show for a few of the other animals. The lions were crabby, the kept wanting to eat the other animals because they were in the way. The penguins on the other hand enjoyed it so much the want me to teach them a few moves, I'm meeting them soon for a ballroom lesson.

AMY: Take a breath raggedy man. Geez I know your excited but still.

CLARA: Thanks. If you didn't cut him off I don't think he ever would have stopped.

STRAX: The moon needs to be defeated and I the mighty Strax will wage war on the moon so it gets exactly that.

VASTRA: Strax you don't need to defeat the moon, it's not doing anything to harm you.

STRAX: I will defeat the moon. I will fight it until my last breath. I shall blow it up!

11TH DOCTOR: Strax the moon did nothing to you.

STRAX: It will be defeated!

VASTRA: As for Jack the Ripper, he tasted meaty with just a dash of testrone. He was quite delicious my dear. As for your advice I shall try it some time and let you know how it tastes, it may come in handy for the more brittle humans.


	3. Chapter 3

From: Guest

:11: I REALLY LIKE YUR BOWTIE! GIVE IT TO ME, *runs after u*

Clara:start dating 11

11 what's yur favorite video game

* * *

11TH DOCTOR: Ahhh! Leave me alone! I know bowties are cool but that is no reason to chase me! I give up … take it here. *Throws it at Guest and runs into the Tardis and slams the door*

CLARA: I think it's safe to come out now their gone.

11TH DOCTOR: That was so scary. Ugh, emotional people. Give me a Dalek fleet any day.

CLARA: You're scared of one excited fan? No wonder I always have to save you when you mess up.

11TH DOCTOR: Oi! You do not save me!

CLARA: Um yes I did. Does jumping into your timeline ring any bells?

11TH DOCTOR: Well I didn't need you to!

CLARA: Yes, yes you did. If I hadn't you along with the whole world would be destroyed right now.

11TH DOCTOR: Ok maybe you do save me.

CLARA: I was born to save you after all. It's in the title.

11TH DOCTOR: Yes you were. You're my impossible girl Clara Oswald!

CLARA: Now the reason we haven't got together is because … well because every whovian knows I can't. If I think about it he's kinda like a know it all younger brother to me.

11TH DOCTOR: Younger brother? I'm centuries older than you!

CLARA: Yes but you act like a child. I'm sticking with younger. Now sit still and shut up or else I'm gonna make sure that fan comes back to chase ya around a little bit. Maybe that'll knock some sense into you.

11TH DOCTOR: But I can't shut up I still need to answer the last question.

CLARA: Fine but after that I don't want to hear a word outta you. Ya got that Doctor. Not a word.

11TH DOCTOR: My favorite video game would have to be Tetris, but that's only because I helped old Alexey create it. Alex was such a cool guy he even let me make the Tetris blocks different colors! He was gonna keep them all blue but I told him, I said Alex you gotta let it look appealing to kids, It's gotta be colorful.

CLARA: You probably like it because you win all the time.

11TH DOCTOR: Well, yeah that too. Since I made it I know how to win every single time! Plus even if I didn't help make it I'd still know how to win because I'm a genius. And …

CLARA: Wow look at how humble you are. *Rolls her eyes* You're done answering now shut up.

11Th DOCTOR: But I didn't get to finish.

CLARA: Doctor. I'm warning you, shut up.

11TH DOCTOR: But I …

CLARA: I'll get the scary fan to come chase you again.

11TH DOCTOR: Ok, ok I'll shut up now.

CLARA: Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Doctor:

Why do you think the Tivolians have a constant compulsion to surrender to anyone new they meet? You don't seem to like them, but you don't give much insight as to why.

Additionally, have you ever imagined having an Ood for a companion? I'd bet you'd appreciate a companion that doesn't argue or question your judgment.

With fish fingers and custard,

CityCat

* * *

11TH DOCTOR: Oh the Tivolians! Such a strange species, and one of the oldest actually. The reason they have the compulsion to surrender is because they know someone they know someone will save them. It's a species of hope just like you beautiful humans! It's quite a sly strategy. I don't like it.

CLARA: We humans are beautiful huh?

11TH DOCTOR: Of course! Why do you think I travel with you lot!

CLARA: I don't know, to keep you in line.

11TH DOCTOR: That's only you Clara.

DONNA: Oh really Spaceman? Have you forgotten about me already?

AMY: And what about me raggedy man? I wasn't with you too long ago.

11TH DOCTOR: Ok a select few of you have tried to put me in my place. Women! Geez, you make one comment and suddenly no one's happy!

DONNA: Oi, shut it sunshine! I'm not done with you yet.

CLARA: Ya, I'd say it was a little more than a few. Especially space hair girl she was all ya know heel boy.

AMY: River? She's my daughter.

CLARA: Really?

AMY: Yup!

CLARA: You should be proud she's amazing.

AMY: You wanna go for a drink? It's on me.

CLARA: Sure! A little alone time would be nice, especially since I have to babysit him all the bloody time.

11TH DOCTOR: The world's gonna end, Amy and Clara know each other. As for the Ood. Why would I travel with an Ood when I can travel with all of these wonderful humans! They're so cool … well, not bowtie cool or Fez cool, but still they're cool. Yum! Fish fingers and custard. You have excellent taste!


	5. Chapter 5

From Fearless Sea:

Dear River Song,

What is the story behind Jim the Fish? And why do you continue to serve a sentence for a crime that you did not commit? Thanks Sweetie.

Dear Kate Stewart (UNIT),

If you could, would you travel with the Doctor just as the Brigadier did on occasion and if so, where would you go? Also how did you cope with losing one of the Osgoods?

Dear Cybermen (as a collective),

Are you now impervious to gold? Does no-one shot you with golden bullets because it just doesn't work, and if so what will?

* * *

RIVER SONG: Spoilers Dear, the Doctor's in the room.

11TH DOCTOR: Oh River, River, River. But it isn't spoilers, I've already done Jim the Fish .

RIVER SONG: I hate you.

11TH DOCTOR: No you don't.

RIVER SONG: They worshiped you there so you tell them what happened.

11TH DOCTOR: No, no, no, it was your question, you have to answer it.

RIVER SONG: Alright then, if you insist you insufferable man. Ugh, you look and act like such a child!

11TH DOCTOR: Oi! They liked this face, especially Jim, even if he was a fish that had delusions of being a beaver.

RIVER SONG: Thank you sweetie. You saved me a whole lotta trouble.

11TH DOCTOR: River!

RIVER SONG: Yes dear, you'll get over it. Now then, stormcage. I've got to go to stormcage, I have a promise to live up to.

11TH DOCTOR: Why can't you just travel with me in the Tardis?

RIVER: Oh Doctor, you silly man. You're the one who made me promise to stay there in the first place. Just because you feel like breaking that promise doesn't mean I will.

11TH DOCTOR: But they'd never know, I have a time machine. I could get you back months and months from now and they'd never know because it would have been three minutes for them.

RIVER SONG: I've said it before and I'll say it again, one psychopath per Tardis Sweetie.

KATE: Well my father did always say if I got the chance to that I definitely should. But I just see no point in it. Besides I have to keep the earth safe and make sure that UNIT is running smoothly. That is my first and top priority. And as for Osgood, well … I was quite upset to be quite honest. I had to keep telling myself that everything would be ok. Poor Osgood.

CYBERMAN: We will never be defeated! We will upgrade you all! Not even gold can stop us! We will take over this world and conquer the universe! You will be deleted!


	6. Chapter 6

From GeekGirlForLife

I'm not sure how many doctors you're Doug but here are my questions anyway

10th Doctor: How come you say Allonsy and 11 says Geronimo?

Clara: What's the scariest adventure you've had with the doctor?

11th Doctor: Love you so much! Why the Fez? Does a Time Lords sense of style change each regeneration?

Jenny: how did you meet Vastra?

LOVE YOU ALL! *hugs everyone*

* * *

10TH DOCTOR: Well Allons-y is french and it's fun to say. Then since I met Alonso whenever I go pick him up I can say Allons-y Alonso and we can all have one big laugh about it.

11TH DOCTOR: Geronimo on the other hand is such a cool word! Whenever someone says it you can't help but smile. To me I think the reason we picked different catchphrases is because he wanted to speak french, the language of love, to impress women. Meanwhile I don't care what women think so I chose a new word that sounded fun to say!

10TH DOCTOR: That's not true at all!

11TH DOCTOR: Hey, whatever you get up to in your regeneration is your business.

10TH DOCTOR: You know you were me once. It would be nice if you would not be so rude.

11TH DOCTOR: Says the rudest incarnation of me, seriously it's like you never even had the filter between your head and your mouth. You just said random things!

CLARA: Alright both of you SHUT UP! Now then the scariest adventure I've ever had would have to be when he jumped into that magic hole thingy and there ended up being three of him! Three of him! Seriously! I have to babysit one already, but three! That was just scary.

10TH DOCTOR: I wouldn't have been so bad if chinny here didn't keep shouting spoilers at me. What is with him.

11TH DOCTOR: Oi, sandshoes. It's not my fault, maybe if you weren't so rude I wouldn't have said spoilers.

10TH DOCTOR: For the last time they aren't sandshoes!

CLARA: Children! Am I going to have to place you in opposite parts of the Tardis?

11TH DOCTOR: No. Sorry Clara.

CLARA: Don't tell me that tell him.

11TH DOCTOR: I'm sorry … um … me from the past?

10TH DOCTOR: I'm sorry too … me from … well, um … me from the future I guess.

Jenny: Oh me and the Missues. Well let's just say she saved me from a burning escape pod. In return I helped her out a little bit and we slowly fell in love. Don't tell anyone though or she'll eat you, and I know that no one wants that.

11TH DOCTOR: And thank you for the hugs! I love hugs!

12TH DOCTOR: I don't do hugs. No hugging, no hugging.


	7. Chapter 7

From Donna Tempus:

I have a question for Clara How did it feel to save a planet? and for the Twelfth Doctor, Do you still eat fish fingers and custard? or do you eat haggis now?

* * *

CLARA: Which time? I've helped the Doctor save different planets all the time. Every single time I get the same feeling. I get really really happy! I guess the Doctor's kinda rubbing off on me in that aspect of it. It's just amazing, just the fact that I get to see that makes me happy, but actually saving planets! The universe has been waiting for me, I can tell you that.

12TH DOCTOR: I better not be rubbing off on you. That's worse then hugging.

11TH DOCTOR: Ooh rubbing off is fabulous! Especially if it's me that's doing the rubbing off.

12TH DOCTOR: And yes I do eat fish fingers and custard. It may not be the same as when I was the former incarnation, but I still do it to remember … them.

11TH DOCTOR: You should eat fish fingers and custard it's delicious! And really yummy too! Yum! I could really go for some right now. Let me see what Clara and Amy have been up to and then maybe I can get a quick snack.

CLARA: Well Amy went back to Leadworth to get Rory so he knows what's going on and I'm here with you lot answering your question. Now go eat your fish custard if you don't you'll get all crabby and I won't be able to put you down for a nap.

11TH DOCTOR: Ha ha, you're so funny.

CLARA: Yes, yes I am. I'll be here all week … well except for if we go save another planet or something.


	8. Chapter 8

From: TAWOGfan2000

Im back, oh and theres a dead body on floor 16, soooooooooooo.

Clara: you are surrounded by two armies of cybermen and daleks. To your left is a glas of vitronioum, capable of blowing up cybermen. To your right is a homing gun. You can only pick one... whats your favorite color?

Cybermen: yes you, i see you. Third one to the left, front row, i saw you doing the robot at a street fare. Why?

Dalek: hey you, i heard you listning to justin bieber music yesterday (dont ask how i know). Are you a bieber fan?

12th doctor: what do you think of the burden of all humanity Justin Bieber?

* * *

11TH DOCTOR: You're questions are so random, I like you! Don't take that the wrong way … I realize that sentence can be easily misinterpreted. Thank you River.

AMY: What did she do?

11TH DOCTOR: She taught me how to be less oblivious.

RIVER: More like I slapped him for being oblivious to me so now he won't stop! Please make him stop!

11TH DOCTOR: Oh come on what is wrong with women? I mean I became less oblivious so you'd stop bloody slapping me and now you want me stop being oblivious! Why can't women be easier to figure out?

RIVER: I'll slap you in a minute and give you something else to complain about.

11TH DOCTOR: I'm just saying, women are confusing.

CLARA: How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?

RIVER: I know how to make him shut up, just give me a room and a pair of handcuffs.

AMY: River! Did you have to put that image in my mind?

RIVER: Yes I did sweetie. Now be a dear and let me borrow those handcuffs.

11TH DOCTOR: River … stop embarrassing me. You are not shutting me up.

RIVER: Your loss sweetie. Now I have handcuffs and no one to use them on.

11TH DOCTOR: Maybe later dear. But not now.

AMY: Aww! You got the Doctor to blush. Look at how cute he is.

RORY: Um what I want to know is where you got handcuffs?

AMY: Spoilers centurion.

RORY: Did you really need to get me. I don't really feel the need to be here, no one asked me anything yet and it's awfully flirty in here.

11TH DOCTOR: Nah I've seen worse. I have a friend. Great friend really. He can't ever die … um long story. Anyways he flirts with anything and everything. I'm so glad that he isn't here because I doubt the universe could take him and River meeting. He's a walking, talking innuendo he is.

RIVER: Who is this amazing man you speak of sweetie? I'd love to meet him!

11TH DOCTOR: Yeah um … forget I said anything. Let's just hope that he doesn't come. Not ever!

RIVER: Is someone jealous?

11TH DOCTOR: Nope not one bit. I've seen in that diary of yours and the way you talk about me … blimey River … I know you'd never choose anyone other than me. Plus you love me.

RIVER: You looked in my DIARY! Oh you! I hate you.

11TH DOCTOR: No you don't. Besides if I didn't how was I supposed to know when to do that one brilliant thing.

RIVER: Fine. Just don't let me catch you doing it again or you may find yourself in handcuffs and in a whole lotta trouble.

CLARA: Can I answer my question or are you guys going to keep flirting?

RIVER: Nah, go ahead. Me and the Doctor aren't needed so I'm just gonna go put him down for a nap.

11TH DOCTOR: But I'm not tired! I'm a time lord … and since when have you lot put me down for naps? Clara said it as a joke, I don't actually have naps.

RIVER: Sweetie, go to the Tardis or else. It looks like I haven't taught him anything. Still my oblivious Doctor as always.

11TH DOCTOR: Yes dear.

CLARA: Thank you. Now then, I wouldn't need either of the weapons. I'd still blow those daleks and cyberman up. Like I've been told before, I'm the bloody boss! I don't need some silly device to kill I just need my trusty timelord and my brains.

11TH DOCTOR: Don't forget that gob of yours could easily have them running.

CLARA: Aren't you supposed to be napping?

11TH DOCTOR: Shhh, I'm hiding from River. She doesn't know I'm here.

CLARA: And your interrupting me too. Wow, talk about killing two birds with one stone.

RIVER: Doctor, there you are. I thought I told you that you couldn't come back out here.

11TH DOCTOR: Gotta dash. Enjoy that question of yours!

CLARA: Oh and my favorite color is either green or blue. Don't really know why, just do.

11TH DOCTOR: It's because you like the color of the Tardis!

CLARA: For god sakes! Can I not finish one sentence without you interrupting? Go to bed now!

11TH DOCTOR: You're really eager for me to leave aren't you?

RIVER: If you don't get in here right now I will literally come out there, handcuff you and drag you back in here.

11TH DOCTOR: Alright, Alright. Coming honey.

THIRD ONE TO THE LEFT CYBERMAN: I was not doing the robot. I was dying. You foul humans and your assumptions. You will be deleted!

DALEK: No, I do not like Justin Beiber! He is our enemy! His music kills us! What you saw was the Doctor killing us! Give us mercy! Give us mercy!

12TH DOCTOR: Oh shut up you pepper pot. And as for the foul creature you speak of. I actually considered using the Tardis to go back in time and rid the world of him. When I went to 2025 I saw that he did it for me so I figured it would have been a waste. Did you know that his songs are actually hypnotizing. In reality he's a graske in a human suit. He shouldn't do anything drastic to the earth so I let him go. Poor human girls have no idea what he actually is and you see them swooning left and right. It's disgusting.

CLARA: Ooh I remember that adventure. Not one of your best moments I must say.

12TH DOCTOR: Shut up.

CLARA: Well alright then! You don't need to be rude about it.


	9. Chapter 9

ErinKenobi2893:Hey Twelve, do you like curry?

Hey Rory! You're the best. Anyway, what I wanted to know was: how often does the Doctor smack you on the head with the psychic paper? And do you prefer coffee or tea?

River Song, why do you consistently use such a Mary-Sue name? I'm just curious. (Is it because Moffat doesn't know about Mary Sues?)

* * *

12TH DOCTOR: Curry? Does it look like I'd eat curry?

CLARA: Well I don't know I guess, maybe it's an old person thing.

12TH DOCTOR: I wasn't asking for your opinion. And if it was an old person thing wouldn't that mean you would like it too?

CLARA: I'm not old.

12TH DOCTOR: Well you look it.

CLARA: I don't look it.

12TH DOCTOR: I forgot that women react to that news differently than men. Keep telling yourself that Clara, keep your spirits up.

CLARA: Just shut up and show me some planets.

12TH DOCTOR: Alrighty then. We shall be back soon, I promised to take her to see Robin Hood again. What is with women and men in tights?

CLARA: Oi! Women have no problems at all. Tardis, now.

RORY: I guess you needed to bring me here didn't you. I finally got a question! My first question!

AMY: Rory, just answer the question will ya.

RIVER: It's not his fault sweetie, he didn't even think people would ask him any questions. He thought you dragged him here for no reason.

AMY: Obviously not, now answer the bloody question.

RORY: I'm glad you think I'm the best not many people have told me that! And for your question, he smacks me on the head with the psychic paper quite often. It's like it helps him think or something.

11TH DOCTOR: Oi! It's not my fault your usually right next to me. If anything it's your fault.

RORY: My fault?! That's the oddest reasoning I've ever heard! That's absurd!

RIVER: The one thing I find weird is that the Doctor has not only kissed me but both my mother and father as well. Does anyone else find that odd?

11TH DOCTOR: I have haven't I? To be fair I didn't know that she was your mother at the time and she kinda just attacked me.

AMY: I'm sorry, please don't bring it up again!

11TH DOCTOR: River? What about your name? I've always wondered about it too.

RIVER: Well long story short when I was Mels I met a really nice woman, bit mad if you ask me. She appeared out of nowhere in a long green dress with golden light streaming around her and she told me that my future involved the River being the only water in the forest. I knew what she meant when I was in the hospital so I took the name River Song. Sorry if it's a bit too Mary Sue and not to your liking but if that was my future who am I to change it.

11TH DOCTOR: Well you are the one going around trying to rewrite time every time someone tries to die.

RIVER: Oh Doctor that would of happened no matter what it was fixed remember. This is just another example of the fact that I am absolutely not Mary Sue.

11TH DOCTOR: No you're my bad bad girl, Professor River Song.

RIVER: Yes I am and you wouldn't have it any other way.

11TH DOCTOR: You must be super glad I did that one brilliant thing so you could come here aren't you?

RIVER: Yeah, but it would have been nice if you wouldn't have left me there to begin with. I mean I'm locked up in stormcage for most of my life and you chose to leave me there of all places?! It was hell!

11TH DOCTOR: Women are never happy are they.

RIVER: No they aren't sweetie now be a dear and take me to Asgard again. It was so peaceful there!

11TH DOCTOR: Anything for my lovely wife.


	10. Chapter 10

From: TAWOGfan2000

Im asking a lot lately so i wont ask for a while.

12th doctor: Aaawwwwww, i had an entire assasination attempt planned out for him. It involves shooting him with a molecular destabilizer modified to painfully take him appart molecule by molecule, rearange them and put it back together, and reapeating for a few years. Now i cant do it seeing that he lives in 2025. So any other famous people that are secretely aliens? (Dont put seth macfarlane on the list, cause if you do, you will replace justin bieber in my assasination plan!).

Cybermen: that explains it. Also, why are you selling time shares in florida? And before you say that its a secret plan to assimilate florida ive already scanned your brains.

Missy: WHAT WHERE YOU DOING ON OCTOBER 13TH, 2005!

* * *

12TH DOCTOR: Don't worry in 2025 Justin Bieber is not only bankrupt but he has no house, no family, and no teeth. It's a bit disturbing but the graske didn't like his human form so I have to respect his choices. Plus by that time he isn't hypnotizing girls with his singing anymore. I thank the world for that!

CLARA: You just didn't like that he sang me a song dedicated to me did you?

12TH DOCTOR: Shut up!

CLARA: You don't do you! Ha, admit it you don't like that he paid me some actual attention.

12TH DOCTOR: Shuttity up, up, up! As for the other alien celebrities there's a lot but to name a few … Oprah is a zygon that in actuality killed the real Oprah in 2011, The Jonas brothers are all slitheen, Oh and Katy perry and Lady Gaga are both Vespiform. It would take me ages to actually list how many celebrities are aliens hiding on earth.

CLARA: Ugh. I think out of all of those the graske Justin Bieber was the only nice alien. He sure as hell was a troublemaker but at least he didn't try to blow up a planet or murder everyone for no good reason! Stupid Lady Gaga! I ruined two of my favorite jackets that day.

CYBERMAN: We were scanning Florida to see if we had enough cyberman to delete it from existence! Florida will be deleted!

MISSY: Oh I was doing a bit of this and that.

MASTER: That's basically me talk for planning to take over the world.

MISSY: Yes I was cause I'm bananas! You should have seen it dear, It was beautiful. If you'd like you can help me one of these days TAWOGfan, if you think you're evil enough of course. If not I'll just blow you into atoms!

MASTER: I'd just turn you into me so you were definitely evil enough.

MISSY: That's so last regeneration, call me old fashioned but I'd prefer death over a complete genetic remodel.

MASTER: Fine, do what you want. I've gotta go change everyone into me now so don't wait up.

MISSY: I never wait for anybody I just kill them.

CLARA: You're insane!

MISSY: Nope. Like I said before dear, I'm more than insane … I'm bananas!


	11. Chapter 11

SJ is awesome:To Sarah Jane smith: Three questions: 1, did you ever have a crush on the doctor with the long scarf? 2, which adventure did you like best, space station nerva, or 1911 and the incident with Sutekh? And 3, would you like a jelly baby?

To the 12 th doctor, Do you still play the spoons?

From: Mushybooma:

This question is for Amy.

If the Doctor was transformed into a baby would you and Rory raise him as your own?

Or would you do everything in your power to turn him back?

SARAH: Well yes I believe I did, but I let it go after a while I knew he would never love me back.

10TH DOCTOR: Oh my Sarah Jane. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that pain.

SARAH: It's ok Doctor, at least I knew I had a heart. I do have to say though I liked both of those just the same, but perhaps I enjoyed space station nerva a little bit more. And yes I'd love a jelly baby.

10TH DOCTOR: Here ya go.

SARAH: You still have jelly baby's? Even regenerations later you still have jelly baby's?

10TH DOCTOR: I always keep them around just in case.

SARAH: My amazing Doctor.

12TH DOCTOR: And yes I do play the spoons, I even convinced Clara to let me start a band.

CLARA: No you haven't I keep telling you no.

12TH DOCTOR: You know I'll convince you one of these days.

11TH DOCTOR: Am I going blind? Me a baby? Are you serious right now? A baby?!

RIVER: Aw you'd make a cute baby, I'd make them take care of you even if they didn't want to.

AMY: Are you kidding he'd be impossible to raise. I'd try as hard as bloody possible to change him back.

RIVER: Fine, I'd raise him.

11TH DOCTOR: Remind me to put turn into a baby on my never ever to do list.

RIVER: Why sweetie? I'd take excellent care of you.

11TH DOCTOR: Just don't let it happen.

RIVER: Maybe I'll make it happen!

11TH DOCTOR: You wouldn't dare!

RIVER: Just a word of advice … watch your back dear.

11TH DOCTOR: River!


	12. Chapter 12

SJ is awesome:To Sarah Jane smith: Three questions: 1, did you ever have a crush on the doctor with the long scarf? 2, which adventure did you like best, space station nerva, or 1911 and the incident with Sutekh? And 3, would you like a jelly baby?

To the 12 th doctor, Do you still play the spoons?

From: Mushybooma:

This question is for Amy.

If the Doctor was transformed into a baby would you and Rory raise him as your own?

Or would you do everything in your power to turn him back?

SARAH: Well yes I believe I did, but I let it go after a while I knew he would never love me back.

10TH DOCTOR: Oh my Sarah Jane. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that pain.

SARAH: It's ok Doctor, at least I knew I had a heart. I do have to say though I liked both of those just the same, but perhaps I enjoyed space station nerva a little bit more. And yes I'd love a jelly baby.

10TH DOCTOR: Here ya go.

SARAH: You still have jelly baby's? Even regenerations later you still have jelly baby's?

10TH DOCTOR: I always keep them around just in case.

SARAH: My amazing Doctor.

12TH DOCTOR: And yes I do play the spoons, I even convinced Clara to let me start a band.

CLARA: No you haven't I keep telling you no.

12TH DOCTOR: You know I'll convince you one of these days.

11TH DOCTOR: Am I going blind? Me a baby? Are you serious right now? A baby?!

RIVER: Aw you'd make a cute baby, I'd make them take care of you even if they didn't want to.

AMY: Are you kidding he'd be impossible to raise. I'd try as hard as bloody possible to change him back.

RIVER: Fine, I'd raise him.

11TH DOCTOR: Remind me to put turn into a baby on my never ever to do list.

RIVER: Why sweetie? I'd take excellent care of you.

11TH DOCTOR: Just don't let it happen.

RIVER: Maybe I'll make it happen!

11TH DOCTOR: You wouldn't dare!

RIVER: Just a word of advice … watch your back dear.

11TH DOCTOR: River!


	13. Authors note (Please read)

_**Hi, Sorry for this very unexpected very boring Author's Note. I personally hate Author's Notes and I think that no one really reads them, but please read this one it's super important. So I have recently been told by another author that I can't post stories in script format anymore, which I know is really stupid but it's a violation of the rules of this website apparently. Because of this I have to actually write it out differently and actually write out "he said" and "she said" and stuff like that. I'm going to keep this story up and create another story just like this one except it will be not in script format. Also, I was told that we can't answer questions that are sent in through review which I think is odd but none the less a violation, so please if you do send in questions just PM them. I'm really really sorry and I understand if you want to stop reading this story. Thank you for reading my Author's Note!**_


	14. Chapter 13

From: Hediru

Ok. Ok. Ok. After reading this, I have decided that certain people have got to meet. And... if the universe doesn't implode as a result, they can answer these questions:

River: where did you get your vortex manipulator?

Jack: when did you last see your vortex manipulator?

River: shag, marry, or throw off a cliff? 10th Doctor, 11th Doctor, Captain Jack

Jack: same question but with 9th Doctor, 10th Doctor, Ianto?

* * *

RIVER: Well I'm quite sure it happened in your show version sweetie. I tricked Dorium into selling it to me by placing a micro explosive in his drink and selling him the antidote. I needed to travel to get a painting Vincent Van Gogh made especially for the Doctor. Dorium said he had one fresh off the wrist off a handsome time agent, so I went.

11TH DOCTOR: Please, please, please hope that he doesn't come.

RIVER: Who sweetie?

JACK: *Appears in a flash of light* Hello Doc! And who's your lady friend?

RIVER: Professor River Song, but River to you sweetie.

JACK: Hello I'm Captain Jack Harkness.

RIVER: Oh so you're this handsome Jack that everyone talks about.

JACK: People talk about me huh, good things I hope.

RIVER: Oh, yes. Very good things! I've heard from a certain Doctor that you're a walking, talking innuendo.

JACK: Oh Doc I'm flattered. The rumours are quite true professor, so what do you think drinks? Dinner? A movie? Or shall we just head to my room?

RIVER: I have the handcuffs you lead the way.

JACK: Ooh feisty. Where'd you pick this one up Doc?

RIVER: He knows my parents.

JACK: You travel with her parents Doc? I expected more from you.

AMY: Oi flirt boy! I'm her mother.

JACK: Now I see where you got your good looks.

RIVER: Flattery gets you everywhere Captain.

JACK: So shall we head to my bed I've been a very bad boy and I need to be restrained.

11TH DOCTOR: STOP! I can't take this anymore, this is torture just stop!

RIVER: Aw, you always ruin the fun Doctor.

11TH DOCTOR: Yes well I'm sorry I don't like watching my wife flirt with other men, especially when that other man is Jack.

JACK: Wife? Oh River you're such a naughty girl. How did you ever find such a wonderful woman Doc?

11TH DOCTOR: Well um … her mother got kidnapped and she turned out to be pregnant, then we found out that the baby was River and well she ended up being raised to kill me. It's quite complicated.

RIVER: I'm all yours Doctor. Your one and only bespoke psychopath.

JACK: Wow, so she was literally made for you.

11TH DOCTOR: Our first date was killer. Not only did she try and kill me and managed to poison me with a kiss, she brought me back to life with a kiss also. As first dates go I'd say that was mixed signals on her part.

RIVER: It all made sense to me I was brainwashed.

11TH DOCTOR: Plus you're a woman.

RIVER: Oi! *Slaps him across the cheek*

11TH DOCTOR: Why do you always insist on slapping me?

JACK: You guys are perfect together. I'm upset you got to her first, the wedding must have been amazing. So sad I wasn't invited.

11TH DOCTOR: Actually the wedding was even more complicated. River stopped time so she wouldn't have to kill me, we were being chased by mean aliens that wanted me dead and we ended up getting married in the middle of a war while I was inside a robotic replica of myself. It was quite an interesting wedding to say the least.

JACK: Wow. It's really a shame you didn't get a stag night.

11TH DOCTOR: I told you a story about time disintegrating and all you got out of it is that I should've got a stag night?!

RORY: If it's any consolation Jack he was at mine.

RIVER: Oh I remember that story well father. Every Time you tell me that story I can't help but smile.

JACK: Wait a second. Hold on, this is priceless! You went to your father in law's stag night?!

RORY: More like he popped out of a stripper cake to tell me he kissed my fiancee.

JACK: That's just so hilarious! Now I'm upset I wasn't there. You kissed your mother in law!

11TH DOCTOR: Shut up Jack.

JACK: As for my vortex … I left it around the hub somewhere. I don't know what happened to it … the last time I saw it I was blacking out from having my arm cut off. Whenever it shows up it shows up, for now I have a temporary one that only works for a certain amount of time. I snatched it off a friend of mine.

RIVER: Sorry dear but I'd shag Jack. He seems experienced and well he's kinda hot too.

11TH DOCTOR: Why?! What! That's not fair River, that's just mean.

RIVER: Oh sweetie, but I'd marry you again any day. Shagging is only a couple of hours at the most but marriage is forever.

11TH DOCTOR: Oh River I love you.

RIVER: As for the Tenth Doctor I'd throw him off a cliff because then he'd turn into my Doctor. Sorry dear.

10TH DOCTOR: Oi! That's rude!

RIVER: I'm always rude dear, get used to it. Geez, I'm turning worse than you sweetie.

11TH DOCTOR: I just rub off on you I guess. Always said it and I always will until it happens, I'm rude and not ginger.

JACK: As for those choices I'd shag Tenny and maybe get a threesome going with his duplicate. I'd marry Ianto because he's my sexy welshman. And I'd throw nine off a cliff for abandoning me. Now then I have a question does anyone else need me or should I go? I need to know so I can let the rest of my crew know.

RIVER: I think you'd better stay. Besides I like you, the Doctor has an excellent taste in friends.

11TH DOCTOR: My friends certainly are picked wisely, they are the best of me after all.

RIVER: That's one of the reason's I love you sweetie.

11TH DOCTOR: And I love you too my bad bad girl.


	15. Chapter 14

From: Donna Tempus:

Clara, I meant when you saved Gallifrey when Eleven, Ten and the War Doctor were about to use the Moment.

Now ore questions

Rory: what was it like waiting those 2,000 years for Amy?

Rose: What's it like being a big sister after 20 years of being an only child?

Ten: Why do you eat jam strait out of the jar with your fingers?

Eleven: Shag, Marry, throw off a cliff; Amy, River, Clara

Jack: Same as Eleven only with Nine, Ten, Eleven

Rose: what do you think of TenToo?

Twelve; Why are you Scottish now? is it because of Amy?

* * *

CLARA: Oh, yeah. That was amazing! Just knowing that I helped the Doctor save his home planet. It made me so happy!

11TH DOCTOR: I'm so glad you stopped me, if you hadn't I would have destroyed my planet all over again. I would have never been able to live with myself.

ROSE: Tony's adorable and I love him so much! He's just around the age where he'll start walking any day now and he gets into everything. I swear it's like having another Doctor around the house.

10TH DOCTOR: Oi! Why does everyone feel the need to compare me to a child? I'm not that bad am I?

ROSE: Yes you are Doctor it's like having a million toddlers all in the same room.

10TH DOCTOR: Well I'd understand if you were talking to chinny over there, but me … really?

11TH DOCTOR: That's what I wanna know! Why is everyone comparing me to a baby? I don't understand it not one bit. I mean even someone asked if Rory and Amy would take care of me if I turned into a baby! What is wrong with you people?

ROSE: As for tentoo I love him to pieces. He's a lot like my Doctor now and we just go around exploring this world and saving it from monsters and aliens that come here.

TENTOO: My brilliant Rose and her brilliant ways.

10TH DOCTOR: Jam's good, I love a good jam jar. Hasn't anyone tried just eating ice cream right out of the carton? Well that's why I did it.

CLARA: Plus he's weird, it just comes natural for him.

10TH DOCTOR: Said the girl that can't ever die. If anything you're weird.

CLARA: Ugh! You're worse than the eleventh Doctor!

11th DOCTOR: Clara! That's rude!

CLARA: And that's coming from the rudest man alive.

RORY: Waiting for Amy. Well it was really really boring to say the least. But I loved her and if that meant waiting for her and keeping her safe I was going to do it. I loved her for two thousand years and I'll always love her, even if it means waiting.

AMY: Oh Rory, my roman! I'll always love you too!

11TH DOCTOR: The boy who waited and the girl who waited. You guys make an excellent couple.

AMY: Oh we do. Course we do I'm a part of it.

12TH DOCTOR: Yes, yes I am. I was thinking of Amy and I ended up becoming a scot. Thanks Pond.

AMY: What did I do? It's not my fault if you're thinking of me. Flirt.

RORY: Husband! I still have a sword you know.

11th DOCTOR: Noted and always aware.

JACK: Why do I get all of the awesome questions. I feel really bad for the rest of you.

RORY: I don't want that type of question … ever. If I ever get asked that I'm skipping it.

JACK: You guys are no fun. As for the question I'd shag 10, marry 11, and throw 9 off a cliff.

11TH DOCTOR: You guys are just inappropriate aren't you. I don't really want to answer that question because I can't shag or marry Amy because not only is she my best friend she is also my mother in law which would be wrong and I'd never want to throw her off of a cliff.

AMY: So nice of you to remind me that I'm your mother in law.

11TH DOCTOR: So I'd probably say River for everything except throw off a cliff. She'd probably jump off the cliff anyways so that's pointless. I'd just end up saving her.

RIVER: Aw sweetie! And the only reason I jump off things is because I know you'll save me.

11TH DOCTOR: Oh River Song, you know me too well don't you.

RIVER: Yes I rather do.


	16. Chapter 15

From: Guest

:All doctors In an ideal universe Rose or River

Rose 9 or 10

Clara 11 or 12

12th Doc, do you even remember Rose? or Donna or Martha or Jack

River Have you ever met Jack if so details please?

Jack pick a doc!

* * *

9TH DOCTOR: Well I don't know who the hell River is so I'm going to have to go with Rose. At least she knows how to keep quiet when I tell her to.

10TH DOCTOR: River Song is a huge mystery to me, she seems a bit too bossy for my liking so I'd probably go with Rose. My brilliant Rose.

11TH DOCTOR: Oh we all know I pick River, she's my bespoke psychopath after all.

RIVER: Always yours sweetie!

CLARA: What I want to know is why everyone is asking me what Doctor I'd get with. The question is always going to be no, he's like a brother to me and dating your brother is just gross.

11TH DOCTOR: There is one species where that is totally normal and part of normal life. I know a sontaran that is dating his younger sister and it's exceptable.

CLARA: Yes well do I look like a sontaran?

11TH DOCTOR: Well, no. But the point still stands.

CLARA: What point? Do you want to date me?

11TH DOCTOR: No! I'm just saying that to prove a point which is a point in progress. Respect the point.

12TH DOCTOR: Yes I do and it pains me to think of them so shut up and stop talking about them.

RIVER: Actually I just met Jack a couple of chapters ago, It was quite the adventure and we had quite the flirt didn't we captain.

JACK: Yes we did professor. I believe you even promised me a good shagging.

RIVER: Ah I did say that as an answer to one of questions didn't I?

JACK: Yes you did. You said you'd bring the handcuffs, I've been a pretty bad boy … what are you gonna do with me professor?

RIVER: Sorry sweetie, I'd restrain you but I don't think that the Doctor would appreciate it too much.

JACK: Why?

RIVER: These are his handcuffs reserved just for him.

11TH DOCTOR: Melody Pond! Knock it off! Please I'm begging you!

JACK: Woah Doc, I didn't know you were so naughty that you needed handcuffs!

11TH DOCTOR: I'm not! River just likes to handcuff me so I don't do anything to destroy anything. She's bossy like that.

JACK: If I knew that these sorta things happened with you Doc I would've come here sooner!

11TH DOCTOR: And I'm glad you didn't. Now move on.

JACK: Well I'm going to have to pick the eleventh Doctor, he seems to have a very interesting life. He's got a naughty professor, he travels with his in laws, he has his own handcuffs, and he goes to stag nights. This Doctor is my kinda Doctor! Maybe we can get a threesome going.

11TH DOCTOR: Never ever ever EVER going to happen Jack.

JACK: That's what you think.

11TH DOCTOR: Never!

RIVER: He's stubborn Jack, when he sets his mind to something it can't be changed. He's like a toddler.

11TH DOCTOR: The child thing again! Seriously! What is wrong with you?!

RIVER: Nothing dear, if anything I'm just like you.

11TH DOCTOR: No my dear River you are so much better. This child thing is really starting to bother me. Is it not bothering anything else?

RIVER: No, it's just you.

11TH DOCTOR: Just me then.

RIVER: That's what I just said. Ugh! I hate you.

11TH DOCTOR: No you really don't.

RIVER: I know.


	17. Chapter 16

From: ErinKenobi2893 (Guest)

ErinKenobi2893:No problem, Rory. :-) I think you're awesome and people don't seem to realize that. People are idiots sometimes.

Doctor (any and/or all): I have a question. This morning I sort of intuited a deduction and asked someone a question about whether they were an auditory or a visual learner. It's not the sort of thing that would be considered offensive (I hope,) just a little weird, but it just slipped out like I couldn't control it! I can't really help that I reach these conclusions. I'm just naturally observant, I think. Any tips on how to control it when I'm about to ask someone something like that or for salvaging the situation once it's slipped out?

* * *

RORY: This ErinKenobi2893 really knows what they're talking about. I think they're really sweet too. I understand the fact that people are idiots too, just look at the Doctor.

11TH DOCTOR: Oi! Rory Williams, that's not true at all!

RORY: Sure it isn't. But still really at least someone is paying me some attention. The only three people that have even talked to me since I got her were my wife, River, and the Doctor. And the only thing the Doctor does when he talks to me is criticize me, and wack me on the head with the psychic paper. I never get acknowledge, I'm just an underdog. It's probably the reason I die so much.

10TH DOCTOR: Well I wouldn't be the right person to ask. Donna says I can't even shut up.

DONNA: Yeah he can't. It's like he doesn't even think before he speaks! He's just a rude alienboy that doesn't know when to stop talking!

AMY: Same with our Doctor, he just won't stop rambling. Well except for that one time that River made him shut up by kissing him, but that's different.

11TH DOCTOR: Well what I always do when I slip up is I ramble on about random facts to distract them. It works every time!

10TH DOCTOR: Pretty much the same with me, except I also insult them a few times too. It makes them forget all about it because they end up confused. Humans! So easily confused. Humans have such small minds.

DONNA: Oi, watch it spaceman!

CLARA: Stop being rude Doctor, I will put you in the corner if you don't.

10TH DOCTOR: You can't put me in the corner?! Are you insane!

CLARA: Don't doubt me Doctor, I will.

10TH DOCTOR: No you won't.

CLARA: You want to test that theory?

10TH DOCTOR: Not really no, I wouldn't.

CLARA: Good, now stay put, I've got my eyes on you. You insult us or move one inch off that seat I will do it.

11TH DOCTOR: She will trust me, she's done it to me before. It's super boring.


	18. Chapter 17

From Donna Tempus:

10th Doctor: How silly did you feel after finding out you were going all Oncoming Storm with an ordinary rabbit in 16th century England?

11th Doctor : Do you still like bananas?

Clara: When did you become a teacher at Coal Hill school?

Jack: What do you think about the Twelfth Doctor?

Rose: How is life in Pete's World?

* * *

10TH DOCTOR: I didn't feel silly, I was just warning him. He understood.

CLARA: It's probably because you are already silly.

11TH DOCTOR: Yeah so you couldn't feel any sillier … ooh I like that word sillier. I think I'm going to use that more often!

10TH DOCTOR: I'm not silly!

DONNA: No he's not, he's a silly alien. It's a whole other category for him since he's an alienboy.

10TH DOCTOR: Donna you're not helping!

DONNA: Well if you feel that way, try saving your own backside spaceman!

11TH DOCTOR: Bananas are amazing! I'm offended that you think I don't like them!

10TH DOCTOR: They're good!

9TH DOCTOR: And they're filled with potassium.

10TH DOCTOR: Mustn't forget the potassium. Loads of potassium in bananas!

11TH DOCTOR: One time I even tried fish custard with little bits of banana in it. It was heaven!

AMY: Just stop Doctor. Really, just stop.

RORY: That's just taking it too far.

11TH DOCTOR: No but it was good. I suggest you try it, it tasted a bit like banana cake.

AMY: Doctor please stop. I'm going to hurl on you if you don't stop.

CLARA: I started at teaching not too long ago … if you want to know exactly I'd have to say sometime after the Doctor's regeneration.

11TH DOCTOR: It's probably because you realized how good you were at telling people what to do.

CLARA: Sit still and shut up. This is my question and I thank you very much if you wouldn't answer it for me.

11TH DOCTOR: See that's what I'm saying!

CLARA: I will call River and tell her to come and shut you up!

11TH DOCTOR: No! Don't! Ok, I'll shut up … I will do anything just don't bring River back. I finally got away from her!

AMY: Oi! That's my daughter you're speaking about raggedy man.

RORY: Amy why do you have my sword?

AMY: If you hurt my baby I will make you regenerate. Even if you are my best friend. Got it!

11TH DOCTOR: Amelia I would never hurt River. Never ever! I love her so much I just don't like it when she forces me into handcuffs. I just got away from her trying to do that. Even the thought of her hurt breaks me and you know that I'd do anything in my power to make her happy.

AMY: Yeah you're right.

RORY: Now give me the sword. Easy does it Ames.

AMY: Plus I don't see you complaining when she puts you in handcuffs.

11TH DOCTOR: She puts them on too tight and she just forces me to wear them. I don't get a say at all! Bloody woman! She's hell in high heels.

Jack: Eh he's alright. I've shagged with men older so I wouldn't mind. I love the scottish accent though. I do wonder if the Doctor will ever be american.

11TH DOCTOR: Why would I be american? What's the fun in that?

JACK: You get more women's attention because it's rare in the UK.

11TH DOCTOR: Why would I want that?

JACK: Well why do you think?

11TH DOCTOR: You know what never mind.

ROSE: Pete's world is marvelous. Like I said a few questions back, I get to go on adventures with tentoo and I get to spend time with Tony. All in all it's pretty great.


End file.
